Lauren's rocker glider has arrived. A dear family member has purchased this wonderful...nay, glorious piece of furniture. And like much of the furniture that you can purchase currently, it required self-assembly. Recently Lauren and I purchased Elsie's crib from IKEA, where it also required my skills of reading scandinavian hieroglyphics and manipulation of the "hex" tool. I have about 2,347 of these tools from various self-assembly projects. However I can never really bring myself to throw them away. Because after all, they are tools that might be useful in some fashion sometime in the future. Maybe if in the state of a national emergency, where the television starts making annoying sounds, and the President moves to the basement apartment of Cheyenne Mountain in Colorado, I might be able to use this hex tool as a can opener.
None the less, I have quite a few of these little devils. They are quite handy you know, if you own one yourself. Remember during any self-assembly project that you can use it "long-ways" to get into deep, hard to reach holes. And you can use it "Short-ways" to torque down that flimsily tightening job you tried to perform with your flabby finger muscles.
There is something very satisfying about putting things together for your wife and your child. I'm not talking about the time where you cursed at your sore thumbs because of your pitiful hammering skills. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about when you are complete, and the project is finished. There is not really a context in today's society where in the middle of Ballard, I can go hunting and kill dinner for my family. Or defend my family from a band of roving pirates with sword and pistol. Well...on second thought it is Ballard. So the next best thing I guess is to lead your family through the labyrinth of that big blue warehouse called IKEA located in some black hole near Tukwila. And once through that retail puzzle that makes you wonder where the cheese is at the end of the experience, you travel home to assemble what you've purchased by yourself. I holler at the top of my lungs and beat my chest, while listening to Bohemian Rhapsody on my vinyl record player. After the experience I then travel to my tool box and deposit hex tool number 2,348. With the help of Designers from Holland and Denmark, wielding the formidable pieces of brittle composite wood, I built something. It was a good day.
On a side note. My fillings melted today. Which is weird because their not metal or gold. They tasted like coffee.
You are the funniest person I've ever met! I enjoy reading these IMMENSELY!
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